Snakes and Snails and Puppy-dog Tails

I cry a lot lately. Way more than I did when I was pregnant with Grace. Anything can set me off; I'm consistently caught off guard by the things that bring tears to my eyes lately. Boys will do that to you though.

Yup, we found out this week that this baby is a boy, which I've always known. I've felt so much worse this pregnancy, I've been extremely emotional, I took the gender prediction urine test (boy) and also thought I may have seen "something" at my 12ish week ultrasound. Mothers intuition, whatever, I've felt "boy" for a while. That's great and all, but I have to be honest.... I wanted a girl.

I've felt guilty about it for a some time, but how could I want something different than the gorgeous daughter I love so much? I know pink & purple, flowers & polka dots. I'm an expert at dresses & leggings, pig tails & princesses. We've had a blast, us girls, at tea parties that, so far, consist of the tea pot being thrown across the room and baby dolls who always end up riding in their stroller upside down. What would I do with a boy?! 

So, it came time for the "big ultrasound" and I really thought I was prepared to hear "it's a boy!" I was ready for it, or so I thought. When the nurse said exactly those words, that last, teeny bit of hope I had, was squashed. In a seconds time my excitement for that tea party for three was gone. All those dreams I had that this baby was a girl, were just my subconscious teasing me. Behind the tech I saw Jeff throw triumphant hands in the air, he had his son. I looked away, swallowing my tears but they wouldn't disappear that easily. I began to cry. What a fool! Who cries during this special moment?!?! I desperately tried to stave my tears but I felt awful for crying and so they came on stronger. My husband and the nurse stared at me, worried, while I wiped the tears and insisted I was excited. And I was! I've always wanted a boy, I just had plans that the third would be the boy. My plans were shot and I was an awful mother for crying. Awful. 

The tears finally stopped and once I was cleansed I began to feel better. He's healthy and that's TRULY all I wanted. He's active, he sucks his thumb a lot and he kicks like crazy when I read bedtime stories to Grace. We will have a new little man of the house, a protector for Grace, a boy for Jeff to play baseball with and a little mama's boy to love me unconditionally. A boy to roll his eyes with me when Grace gives attitude in these difficult teenage years I know we will suffer through. And for now, Grace can stay my sweet little girl, my little princess... she may have to share our attention but she will still be our sassy little girl, our "gem". 

So, I'm thrilled to have a baby boy on the way. I knew it was him all along, it just took me a bit to realize how thankful I am that it IS him. Now I can go back to crying about the things that commonly make me emotional... stuff like running out of yogurt, Geico commercials and my husband telling me I'm his best friend. If men have made me cry my entire life, I wouldn't expect anything less from my baby-boy-to-be. 

I'm so looking forward to meeting him in June and seeing what he brings to our family. Bring on the trucks and tools and baseballs and....