Married with Children

I've never been the type to dream of specific days of my future. I never wore a pillowcase on my head and pretended I was a bride. I never practiced meeting the man of my dreams. As a kid I remember just hoping there was someone out there for me...and of course I hoped he had a pony. As I got older I began to wonder, if we had already met, or if he was still out there waiting just for me. Finally, when I decided to give up on men and broken hearts all together, we ran into each other....again. I HAD met him already, and he looked just as handsome in a tuxedo on our wedding day as he did as in a No Fear t-shirt the first time I met him 13 years earlier. Our wedding day was bliss, it rained, we laughed... a perfect day. I didn't have 20 year expectations to meet, but I think if I did they would have.

This part is what I dreamt of, living the married life. The chores and outings, the laughs and bickering, the compliments and cheap shots, the love and exhaustion. The arguing is consistent (of course) and always about silly stuff; if the baby should eat a pancake on the couch; the right way to fold a shirt; if the "F word" is appropriate to say around a 1 year old learning to talk; closing cabinets; sleeping in; video games; trash TV; thong underwear. The amount of idiotic things we disagree about is mind numbing. BUT, it's exactly what I hoped for. I'm aware of how idiotic that sounds but he's HERE, with me. At the end of every argument, I get a hug, a kiss, and an "I love you". We are in it together, individual people who disagree and still love each other unconditionally. Who wouldn't want that?

The perfection is in the small moments....when we eat dinner together on the couch; when we watch TV and share a blanket; the indoor water fights; the inside jokes; the pillow talk. He always has a sincere hug for me; he kills the spiders I hold hostage under coffee cups; he listens; spends all his time and money on his family and he speaks freely about his love for us. I laugh until I cry at the things he says and hug until I feel better when I'm upset. He is the greatest, most difficult, sexiest, frustratingly stubborn, most wonderful man I have ever met, and I get to keep him.

As a child, while I may not have dreamt about my wedding day, I DID always dream about having children.  I always wanted to be a "Mommy". I had dolls that I refused to let sleep on the floor, I nurtured Barbie's soul when Ken broke up with her, I found the time to say goodnight to all my stuffed animals. I've wanted children my entire life and on September 18th, 2009, I got my first one.

I knew that the birth would be special, and it was. I knew that bonding with her would be amazing, and it was. I knew that watching her grow and learn would be thrilling, and it is. But, I didn't know how exciting the simple times would be. The other night I walked into the kitchen and really noticed that the fridge and dishwasher are covered in letter and animal magnets and my heart skipped a beat.  It's messy and it clutters everything up but it makes my kitchen feel whole. Our house is lived in, played in, loved in. I spend my days sitting on the uncomfortable floor instead of a cozy couch playing with toys that I am beyond the recommended age for; and when Grace puts the triangle toy in the appropriate triangle opening I can't imagine a more exciting toy! MY little girl understands, she's absorbing her world like a little sponge and is working her way through it. I find myself humbled, exhilarated and with a sore back from sitting on the floor. It's perfect. I never anticipated this part, how she fills our house, our family, until I want to explode into a hundred pieces of love and admiration for my husband who gave her to me.

I've made a beautiful daughter, a beautiful life, a beautiful marriage and all contain flaws. Grace whined ALL day today, I didn't get to doing the dishes and I accidentally hit Jeff between the eyes with a piece of gum I was trying to "toss" to him. Ebbs and flows. Ups and downs. Imperfection is perfection. I look forward to endless decades of watching Grace learn and teach me.  I can't wait to bicker with my husband for the next 70 years. I look forward to it all because I hadn't foreseen all the greatness there is in all the insignificant moments of life.